Tuesday, September 02, 2008

Wake Me Up When September Ends

It’s early September, 2007, and Los Angeles is filled with the excitement of two dramatic Bowling League races. Atop the LACBL standings sits Josh Poulette and the Crazy 88, with a roster filled with all closers and no starters. Directly behind him in the standings, Jeff Fine’s Boston Teabag Party looms with a roster mainly comprised of closers as well. The race appears likely to be competitive for the remainder of the season, and all of Los Angeles watches in anticipation (except for Adam, who may or may not have been watching at all at that point).

Meanwhile, there is friction elsewhere in the League, as husband/wife opponents Mac and Kelly Avery steam up the windows as they both huff their way towards the Golden Gibler. Maude and the L.L. Urban Achievers have held a lead for much of the season, but Mac and the Gutterballs are charging towards her back door. The race is hard to watch, but somehow it’s impossible to look away. Another fierce race captivates the Bowling League.

Flash forward one year to September, 2008. The same two races in the same league appear to be all but over. There is no race at the top of the leaderboard. Instead, last year’s Gibby leaders have merge their loins and spawned a drinking, swearing, pool-shooting, ass-grabbing juggernaut that dominates the LACBL. Not since Team Cyrus abused fellow competitors several years ago have we seen such a commanding presence atop the standings. In place of competition for first, we have a compelling battle for 2nd place between two of the unlikeliest of LACBL heroes. One of these teams, Rich and the Four Dingers, has been in “rebuilding” mode since the Bowling League moved to Yahoo in its second season. After finishing second to Mac in year one (sound familiar?), Fording and his team alliteration suffered a string of unlucky and unproductive seasons. Now that Rich has eschewed his diet of old has-beens and never-weres, he has asserted himself as a team to be reckoned with. Rich’s rival for runner-up remains the rogue once renowned for revolting results, former Rule of the ‘Rist and current Rude Boy Adam Butz, who has recently risen in the ranks to contend for requisite recognition. Adam has made shrewd managerial decisions, and assembled a team that has steadily moved into position to finish in the money. This would mark a serious departure from previous seasons, when Adam was left holding the Golden Gibler and a fistful of broken dreams.

While we lack a competitive race for the LACBL crown, we do have a close one for the Golden Gibler Award for Roster Futility between the Crazy 88 and Jeff Fine’s aptly named LA Lollygaggers. Here’s what the current standings look like:

Jeff - 51.5 points out of first times 75 roster moves = 3862.5 Gibby Points
Josh - 32 points out of first times 116 roster moves = 3712 Gibby Points

This race will likely hinge on a few things: (1) whether Josh continues to stream starters in an attempt to struggle against the quicksand that snagged him late this summer, (2) whether Josh drops any lower in the overall standings, and (3) whether Jeff can get his underperforming group of worthless toolbags to rally in the standings.
So for the three teams that apparently still pay attention to the Bowling League in 2008, stay tuned to see how the (somewhat) exciting races for 2nd and Gibby glory shake out over the next few weeks!

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