Top Ten
Darren posted the top five reasons I would not repeat this year. They were all hilarious and I’m reposting them here so you can enjoy them again. I am also posting my top 10 reasons I WILL repeat this year.
Darren’s top five reasons I won’t repeat:
5. Mac's erection from winning the championship last year lasted more than four hours, prompting a call to the doctor who's advising no more titles.
4. Josh has already @#$%^ declared that his #%$*&# team is pretty &$^%#)* much the "World F#$%^& Champs." Treehorn's repeat? You can %#$!&* fugettaboutit. You got that?!
3. That "feel-good story of '08", where Kelly bailed-out Mac's team, allowing him to dump all his toxic assets and take home $$$ on the back of someone else's effort, doesn't play so well with the public for some reason in '09.
2. What are the statistical chances of finding a first round gem in round 14 of the draft? (Nothing like a statistical question to keep a political scientist distracted until October - Mwuhahaha!)
1. Kelly is with-holding all draft advice until Mac's drawing of his penis is more anatomically correct.
Top ten reasons I will repeat:
10. I’m dating my doctor who will now proscribe anything she can to induce erections of more than two minutes.
9. Four Dingers have Marco Scutaro at short, which means there are only eight teams to compete with.
8. This doctor I met at a bar at 11am today said that eating five “brain food” nutritional bars a day will offset the damage that the daily 5th of low-grade vodka does.
7. Wearing my lucky undies all season long is sure to induce a winning streak (of some sort).
6. Speaking of streaks: Ending my streak of ten straight Midwest Political Science Association meetings this spring means I’m starting to make wiser decisions generally.
5. Thirty minutes of Zen meditation before making roster moves.
4. Bengie Molina
3. Unbeknownst to him (unless he reads this), Jeff is writing our book by himself this summer, which means less FBB time for him and more for me.
2. The $4,000 summer grant I got for the book Jeff is writing means less time selling crack at Latimer and 15th St., which again means more time for FBB.
1. As commissioner, I can do whatever the hell I want.
Darren’s top five reasons I won’t repeat:
5. Mac's erection from winning the championship last year lasted more than four hours, prompting a call to the doctor who's advising no more titles.
4. Josh has already @#$%^ declared that his #%$*&# team is pretty &$^%#)* much the "World F#$%^& Champs." Treehorn's repeat? You can %#$!&* fugettaboutit. You got that?!
3. That "feel-good story of '08", where Kelly bailed-out Mac's team, allowing him to dump all his toxic assets and take home $$$ on the back of someone else's effort, doesn't play so well with the public for some reason in '09.
2. What are the statistical chances of finding a first round gem in round 14 of the draft? (Nothing like a statistical question to keep a political scientist distracted until October - Mwuhahaha!)
1. Kelly is with-holding all draft advice until Mac's drawing of his penis is more anatomically correct.
Top ten reasons I will repeat:
10. I’m dating my doctor who will now proscribe anything she can to induce erections of more than two minutes.
9. Four Dingers have Marco Scutaro at short, which means there are only eight teams to compete with.
8. This doctor I met at a bar at 11am today said that eating five “brain food” nutritional bars a day will offset the damage that the daily 5th of low-grade vodka does.
7. Wearing my lucky undies all season long is sure to induce a winning streak (of some sort).
6. Speaking of streaks: Ending my streak of ten straight Midwest Political Science Association meetings this spring means I’m starting to make wiser decisions generally.
5. Thirty minutes of Zen meditation before making roster moves.
4. Bengie Molina
3. Unbeknownst to him (unless he reads this), Jeff is writing our book by himself this summer, which means less FBB time for him and more for me.
2. The $4,000 summer grant I got for the book Jeff is writing means less time selling crack at Latimer and 15th St., which again means more time for FBB.
1. As commissioner, I can do whatever the hell I want.
posted by Avery | 11:10 PM
5 Comments:
Very funny! Depressing, and hopefully not completely true, but funny nevertheless!
Even if it's true, won't you be publishing several articles that will drag me to tenure while I'm writing our romance novel, um, I mean scholarly book?
By the way, this is comedy GOLD: "Four Dingers have Marco Scutaro at short, which means there are only eight teams to compete with."
That one literally made me laugh out loud (both the comment, and that Rich actually has Marco starting at SS)! Well done!
I laughed out loud, too, but at reason #4. =)
I should add that I'm crying out loud that McCann isn't suing the crap out of his eye doctor.
Nicely done! I will have to give you the latter half of my top 10.
Jeff: No, not true. I will be helping after I finish this paper.
Looking forward to it, Darren.
I recently came accross your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I dont know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.
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