Teabags Have Balls Removed

Los Angeles - L.A.C.B.L. expressed sympathies today for Jeff Fine, owner of the Boston Teabag Party. Thursday Fine had an operation to remove two swollen balls from his mouth. While Fine has not made a formal statement divulging the need for the operation, Dr. Ed Scissorhands reports that his balls were simply taking up too much space in his mouth. Some have expressed shock at the need for such an operation, but others familiar with Fine’s amazing flexibility are not as surprised. Fellow team owner Kelly Avery, an amateur expert on the subject, conducted her own extensive examination earlier in the week (see photo) and has confirmed that Fine’s balls could no longer comfortably fit in a typical human’s mouth.

According to fiancé, "Cooper", Fine has spent most of his time since the operation eating ice cream and staring longingly at his team logo. How the loss of his balls will affect Fine’s performance in the league is not yet clear. One thing is clear: Fine will be resigned to the receiving end of any future Boston teabag parties.