The Bowling League

Sunday, September 28, 2008

The Year of the Remake

It’s been a year filled with remakes of old television shows and movies in Los Angeles. We already have a new Knight Rider show, a failed Bionic Woman show, a Terminator show, and new movie installments of Batman and Indiana Jones. There’s a likely A-Team movie on the horizon, talks of a Goonies sequel, and possibly a 3rd Ghostbusters movie. With all these old shows and movies returning, perhaps we should not be surprised by the 6th edition of the Los Angeles County Bowling League. While our league is not run by Hollywood execs, the Fantasy Baseball Gods have clearly put together yet another 80s movie remake.

Last year, the Boston Teabag Party came away with the LACBL championship trophy, while Mac Avery’s Gutterballs were left cradling the Golden Gibler Award for Roster Futility. To entertain themselves, the Fantasy Gods have decided to remake Trading Places for 2008, wagering one dollar that they could turn a homeless, luckless Mac Avery into league champion once again, and turn league champion Jeff Fine into the Golden Gibler winner.

By using an obscure loophole (i.e. marriage) to skirt the keeper rules, Mac was given an immediate infusion of talent that had not been subjected to his 2006-07 mismanagement. With the Fantasy Gods also giving Mac the gift of players like Josh Hamilton, Geovany Soto, and Edinson Volquez, they were able to turn this hapless loser into the king of Los Angeles.

Turning Jeff’s team into the Golden Gibler winner was easy as well. The Fantasy Gods gave this team a series of players who spent time in the minor leagues (Saltalamacchia, Longoria, Liriano), forcing roster moves that would not otherwise have been needed. A lack of multiple solid options at closer led the Lollygaggers to punt on saves, leading to a strategy of streaming starters that racked up dozens of moves. Finally, an endless rotation of pathetic performances at catcher and second base led to further futile roster moves.

What we were ultimately left with was a script that was all too familiar, and all too entertaining for our league’s version of Mortimer and Randolph Duke.

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

Wake Me Up When September Ends

It’s early September, 2007, and Los Angeles is filled with the excitement of two dramatic Bowling League races. Atop the LACBL standings sits Josh Poulette and the Crazy 88, with a roster filled with all closers and no starters. Directly behind him in the standings, Jeff Fine’s Boston Teabag Party looms with a roster mainly comprised of closers as well. The race appears likely to be competitive for the remainder of the season, and all of Los Angeles watches in anticipation (except for Adam, who may or may not have been watching at all at that point).

Meanwhile, there is friction elsewhere in the League, as husband/wife opponents Mac and Kelly Avery steam up the windows as they both huff their way towards the Golden Gibler. Maude and the L.L. Urban Achievers have held a lead for much of the season, but Mac and the Gutterballs are charging towards her back door. The race is hard to watch, but somehow it’s impossible to look away. Another fierce race captivates the Bowling League.

Flash forward one year to September, 2008. The same two races in the same league appear to be all but over. There is no race at the top of the leaderboard. Instead, last year’s Gibby leaders have merge their loins and spawned a drinking, swearing, pool-shooting, ass-grabbing juggernaut that dominates the LACBL. Not since Team Cyrus abused fellow competitors several years ago have we seen such a commanding presence atop the standings. In place of competition for first, we have a compelling battle for 2nd place between two of the unlikeliest of LACBL heroes. One of these teams, Rich and the Four Dingers, has been in “rebuilding” mode since the Bowling League moved to Yahoo in its second season. After finishing second to Mac in year one (sound familiar?), Fording and his team alliteration suffered a string of unlucky and unproductive seasons. Now that Rich has eschewed his diet of old has-beens and never-weres, he has asserted himself as a team to be reckoned with. Rich’s rival for runner-up remains the rogue once renowned for revolting results, former Rule of the ‘Rist and current Rude Boy Adam Butz, who has recently risen in the ranks to contend for requisite recognition. Adam has made shrewd managerial decisions, and assembled a team that has steadily moved into position to finish in the money. This would mark a serious departure from previous seasons, when Adam was left holding the Golden Gibler and a fistful of broken dreams.

While we lack a competitive race for the LACBL crown, we do have a close one for the Golden Gibler Award for Roster Futility between the Crazy 88 and Jeff Fine’s aptly named LA Lollygaggers. Here’s what the current standings look like:

Jeff - 51.5 points out of first times 75 roster moves = 3862.5 Gibby Points
Josh - 32 points out of first times 116 roster moves = 3712 Gibby Points

This race will likely hinge on a few things: (1) whether Josh continues to stream starters in an attempt to struggle against the quicksand that snagged him late this summer, (2) whether Josh drops any lower in the overall standings, and (3) whether Jeff can get his underperforming group of worthless toolbags to rally in the standings.
So for the three teams that apparently still pay attention to the Bowling League in 2008, stay tuned to see how the (somewhat) exciting races for 2nd and Gibby glory shake out over the next few weeks!